I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
i believe in u and ur pee
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
