Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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