I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
vagina is talking i cant
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
