I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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