I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
