literally had 100 drinks last night.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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