I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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