Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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