Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You left your underwear on the fireplace
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
