you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We had to coat check the pizza.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
