If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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