Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
