I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize