a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
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