so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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