I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
