there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
