My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
