Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
