just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
