I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
