First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
