You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
