oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
