How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
