Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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