can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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