I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
