oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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