I hate all girls vehemently.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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