what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
40s are totally the cure
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
