Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize