so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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