Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
