I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My vagina is very pro this idea
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