You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
