You're my little dorito
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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