There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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