I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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