If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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