Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I have demons in me.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
