You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
