Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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