I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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