I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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