He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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