Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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