Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
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Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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