mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I deserve this hangover.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
