Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
