i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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