Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
