At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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