Non-Jews are for practice
I feel great
I just peed on a car
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Shame - the story of my life.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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