Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize