he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
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she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
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I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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