vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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