I just cut my nipple shaving
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize