You made me cry and you don't even care
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
