Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
