I'm eating all of the evidence.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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