What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
