hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
