dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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