thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
