Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
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